To stay or not to stay, that is the question. I'm in no way considering leaving Madagascar or ending my Peace Corps service. I just spent that last ten days in my village feeling hopelessly overwhelmed by whether or not I can (or more accurately am willing to deal with) the new dynamics that exist there now: marriage proposals left and right, mothers of grown, married men asking if I can get their sons to America, and a host of issues with my counterpart. If there's a better word than awkward for this situation, I don't know what it is.
In the face of all this, I certainly feel like just giving up and running away! It does take courage to stay through a difficult process, and I'm conjuring up all I can. I am of such two minds about whether or not I should continue through in Ambolobozokely or take the opportunity to move to another village and work in the Health sector that I feel stymied by indecision.
Today I think I will stay. Tomorrow I may feel different. It's been like this for weeks.
Oh Vanessa, I wish you peace! I remember those nagging wedding proposals and all of the antics people went through to get me to want to take them to the states. My only experience with the local, um, animist priest? was after I was told by many in my compound that the matriarch of the compound was casting spells on me and putting some kinda magic into the breakfast that she delivered each morning so I would fall in love with her son.
ReplyDeletePeople in west africa were literally professionals at this kind of thing. It made me so crazy to think that I couldn't trust anyone's friendship, because in the end I thought they were all just trying to get me to give them something. (A totally legitimate profession, considering. I mean those guys had nothin--hardly even l'amite).
Anyway, I've never been the one to stick it out and I can hardly decide what to do next weekend. I can't offer any PC experiences, but I know a little bit about the value of seeing my perception change, especially about something that was uncomfortable or hard. It's one of the most comforting things I've seen in my life--the fact that my perception changes.
I hope sometimes you're soothed by the existence of puffer fish and the glorious beach. I'm sure your PC friends will kick down stories about when they were going through the same thing.
Sending you oodles of love! <3
Megan
PS Did you get my letter??
You still have time to think about all these things!! All I can say is that think twice before making any decision!!
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Oi vey. Sherma
ReplyDeleteI completely understand the feeling of changing your mind depending on the day. Something will rise to the surface, I hope, which will help you to settle on what is right for you so that you can be effective as a volunteer and happy as a person. That sounded way more formal then I meant it to. :) I think I still owe you for that cinnamin drink btw, sorry. :) Monica
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