I have been sick with Ulcerative Colitis for almost two years. And nearly two years ago, I returned from the Peace Corps, where I lived in a tiny fishing village on the island nation of Madagascar. This blog originally followed my travels, trials & tribulations throughout my sojourn there.
When deciding whether or not to continue on where the sojourn left off, I realized that it felt most authentic to transition from the years I spent writing in Madagascar to the experiences I am having right now. Life is not compartmentalized into neat little boxes and blogs. I want it all to be here, in one space.
The name of this blog, "ordinary courage," came out of recent work I have been doing exploring shame, based on curriculum developed by Brene Brown, a shame researcher. Several lines she wrote in her book, "I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't)," struck me with such poignancy that I knew I needed to return to writing: "Three items are critical to the healing of shame: ordinary courage, compassion and connection. Ordinary courage is to speak your mind with your heart- to tell your story. It is hard to practice courage in a culture where we fear not belonging. Yet the only way to get out of shame is to share our stories."
My intention is to share the shame I experience daily while living with Ulcerative Colitis, and in doing so, let go of some of the embarrassment, humiliation and self-hatred I have because of it. I want to deepen compassion and empathy with those in my life, who have either seen me through these difficulties or have never known about them before, and also with strangers who stumble across this blog but are struggling in much the same way I do.
Having UC means a lot of things, and most of them are not pretty or easy to talk about. Some of them are downright disgusting. The very nature of this disease is the perfect breeding ground for things hidden and unseen.
My task here is to write with courage, and explore those ugly parts of myself I have never cast into the light.
