Dedicated to two of my dear girlfriends, Jenna and Evelyn, who are embarking upon motherhood for the first time.
Being a woman, I was quite surprised to discover how uncomfortable I've sometimes felt watching other women breastfeed in this country. Not a day, nor practically an hour, has gone by in my village or travels around Madagascar where I haven't seen a baby hanging off their mother's breast. Never mind being squirted by breast milk (twice) on taxi brousse rides. With all this exposure, I've had plenty of opportunities to consider my own reactions and wonder upon why in the Western world we have such an aversion to this most natural act. For a culture that so shuns breastfeeding we surely covet the breast.
Since I've never been a mother, I was initially quite shocked at how often babies need to be fed! Here the women do not hesitate to pop out a boob every time their babies cry, no matter where they are, who they're with, what they're doing or who's watching. No one averts their eyes, covers themselves in shame or embarrassment, no one has to go to a private room as if to perform some sacred act. I've never once seen a bottle or a pacifier (or for that matter, a child sucking its thumb). If you hear a baby cry, you better believe in just a minute you're about to see a boob.
At first this used to kinda freak me out (and sometimes still does). Where should I look? Should I leave? Does she mind if I watch? But like countless other times throughout my Peace Corps experience, I've learned to simply follow by example and observe my own thoughts and feelings about it as I go.
For example, I recently attended a meeting in my village which was being conducted at the home of the president of a fishing association. In attendance were two researchers from a marine conservation organization, as well as the president and his wife, who were listening on with great interest. At one point during the meeting, their baby started to cry and the mother pulled out her breast to quiet and soothe her. I could tell one of the researchers felt uncomfortable and later on we spoke about it. Sure, it's a natural act, but does it really need to be done in the middle of a meeting?
Well, why not? I try to imagine what it would be like to hide myself every single time my baby needed to be fed. I remember some time ago my girlfriend Eleanor joining a Facebook group that was called, "If you're so against breastfeeding, you put a blanket over YOUR head!"
In a lot of ways, I think mothering is easier here than it is in the Western world. Every one is taking care of each other's kids here. My neighbor's toddler precariously teeters around the paths near our houses; other kids and mothers and fathers all keep an eye out, playing with him, teaching him to walk, giving him bits of rice or fruit and sharing their toys. If his mother needs to get up and move about- to collect firewood, sift rice, fetch water- the child does not need to be confined to a pen or placed in a daycare for the afternoon. The village is there to offer support.
I think of all the special gear it takes for my girlfriends with babies back home to cart around just to leave the house: bags stuffed with diapers, toys, bottles, formula, pacifiers, blankets, breast pumps, carriages, baby backpacks... I probably don't even know the half of it. Here a woman has a few things for her baby when they set out together: a colorful lamba (cloth) for securing her baby on her back, a small extra cloth that serves as a diaper and of course, her breasts, all a little one needs in the world... besides a village to watch over her.
I have also often wondered about this apparent aversion Americans have to breastfeeding. Because it definitely does not seem to be a "western" thing but is really more isolated just to the US. I remember getting embarrassed, confused and sometimes even hostile looks when I was nursing my first... and I am fairly modest so I kept things well covered (although I never covered my baby unless it was cold). Legally, a woman has the right to breastfeed when and wherever she wants to but you're right - you never "see" it happening here. I was also shocked and saddened to hear a woman once comment on how gross she thought breastfeeding was! There is definitely something odd about this culture... boobs are just sex toys! -and people get freaked out to think of them as also being a feeding tool. Hopefully things will start to change. My plan is to breastfeed any children I have and to try to overcome my own modesty. :)
ReplyDeleteWell put Ms. Vanessa! I spent much of the beginning of Kayta's life hiding in a room, missing out on life. Eventually I got the courage to stay involved in activities with a blanket over me while she nursed but still got "the looks" for doing that even. The rest of the Moms in our family always snuck off to a room. Then Kanon came along and I kind of developed that "If it bothers you, YOU put a blanket over your head" attitude. First off, he got so used to not having a blanket at home that trying to use one failed because he'd throw it off. If I'm around kids or at a party with lots of my friend's husbands, I'll try to be respectful and go in another room but it always makes me feel kind of like I'm being punished for wanting the best for my baby. It is a natural part of life and I don't understand why it's so taboo in the U.S. In many other countries it is normal to breastfeed until age 5!
ReplyDeleteI loved the paragraph about how the village raises a child there - how everyone pitches in with your neighbor's toddler. Wow. That is amazing and it's a little sad we don't have that in America...unless we pay for it.
Great perspective. Thanks for sharing! I've been enjoying following your journey.
Meg