I spent the last week being quite sick and feeling sorry for myself. I had scabies (mites that enjoy laying eggs in just the places you'd rather not being itching the most) and then had some sort of an allergic reaction to the medication or the bites, and then I got the flu.
Being sick is never fun. But being that sick on the other side of the planet with no running water for showers, or pharmacies stocked with the medications you need, in an increasingly sweltering, humid environment... well, it puts a whole new twist on the word "miserable."
It's times like these when you really need some serious motivation to stay. The Peace Corps talks a lot about volunteers hitting a wall of doubt around the six or seven month mark, which as it turns out, is exactly where I'm at right now. These days, the end of my two-year service (May 2012) seems like light years away. Luckily there is a huge support system here of fellow PCVs to commiserate with... and the ones that are near their ends of service keep reminding me that the time really does fly. I know I want to be here, that I would feel disappointed in myself if I left early.
In fact, just a few weeks ago in my village when I was on a little run along the beach, I was suddenly struck with this euphoric thought: All I have to do is stay and the rest will come to me... the work, the purpose, the way, the reason.
Keep the positive mentality. One of the worst feelings that I have ever felt was was being sick with flu and/or sunstroke by myself in Haiti. One night it was so bad that I hardly slept and had fever dreams of everything horrible that could ever possibly happen. Needless to say, it was a terrible night. But what I woke up to stays with me to this day: That morning I woke with the sun and staggered out alone to an outcropping that overlooked the sea south of the southern peninsula of the island and saw what seemed to be hundreds of fishermen in tiny boats already plying the ocean. In the distance was a morning thunderhead dropping shoots of lightning into the morning sea, while also refracting the morning light into an array of colors in the thunderhead itself. It's a memory that represents a very brief moment in time for me, but every time that I think about it, the memory lets me know this: if you have the perseverance to see something through, even in your darkest hour, you will find something that you can carry with you for the remainder of your days. I hope that you have already come away with some great things from your journey and that you battle through the hardships so that you may come away with many more.
ReplyDeleteVanessa, I have thought of you all day because this is my second night in Canada doing a Yoga Teacher Training. Should be a joyous wonderful thing but I am in a weird house with an uncomfortable twin bed, totally homesick already, with no where to put my groceries, no closet, sharing a bathroom with 4 other people and my back hurting from sitting on the floor six hours today. Yikes, I wanna run away!!! But staying in the room, just staying is more than half the battle. The same is true with marriage or anything long term, as you said, you just stay and the rest will come. Hugs to you - Mamie
ReplyDeleteI love your posts. At the Peace Corps Masters International meetings this month (DC)people were talking about choices people now have in PC with regard to communication: blogs, email, some even with cell phones, and for sure Facebook. It would be interesting to compare the experience of being a two week long letter wait, vs the sort of almost instant communication we have now. Does it make people less present in their sites? More connected still to friends and family vs fulling being where they are? DOn't know, but it sure is interesting. Another great book to read about choices is "Earth Walk" - want me to send it? I hope you feel better soon. Scabbies SUCK - that's why they itch. Been there. Love, NS
ReplyDelete